At a time where many are celebrating new beginnings, those who have lost loved ones may feel conflicted about the commonplace New Years’ tradition of starting anew on January 1st. There tends to be an overhyped fallacy of “New Year, New Me,” which can feed into a damaging suggestion that grief can be left in the year previous. Whilst it may be tempting to enter the New Year with this mindset, it is not a healthy nor stable way to start when experiencing a loss.
There are peaks and troughs; highs and lows; moments of sadness and of happiness during grief, all of which cannot be demarcated into one particular year. Give yourself permission to carry grief over into the New Year, rather than force yourself to stifle and shoehorn your emotions. Trying to curtail your emotions is a surefire way of having them bounce straight back, and often in a very volatile or unpredictable way.
Of course, setting goals and aspirations for the New Year is something that can be productive and enlightening, yet it is imperative to steer away from ‘removing grief’ as one of them. Be kind to yourself with other goals and aspirations; remind yourself that the process of reaching a goal doesn’t need to be a sort of punishment. Take extra care to reframe the notion of ‘resolutions,’ as they aren’t about completely redefining yourself in the New Year, especially when you might be feeling extra vulnerable. Instead, it’s about thinking of new, kind, and productive activities that foster growth. Focus on being compassionate to yourself. Do you want to try out a new hobby? Or maybe there’s a place you’ve always wanted to travel to? Resolutions can be far-stretching, so take your pick. Consider doing something that can become part of your regular routine to fill your time and provide a release for stress and other emotions that may occur during the grieving process.
It is also important to remember that a New Year does not mean that you are leaving your loved one in the previous year. It can be a good idea to integrate ways of actively remembering your loved one to remind yourself that they are still with you within your resolutions. You could spend some time each day, perhaps at the beginning or the end, reflecting on some memories with them and possibly writing them down in a journal. At times where this may feel overwhelming, you could watch a TV show or movie that they enjoyed, or cook a meal that they liked. These small reflective exercises are great ways in which you can continue to remember and love your loved one in the New Year, in a relaxed and gentle way.
Finally, take some time to look at the year ahead. There may be specific days or holidays that will be particularly difficult for you, and this is completely okay. You could mark these out and, perhaps, think in advance about ways to navigate these days. Consider if there is a family member or friend you could meet with on the day, or near to the day. Planning positive activities around these days is a good idea, but also be sure to recognize that you may need to give yourself time to grieve. Don’t feel the need to cram these days as a means of distraction, but rather find purposeful and gentle ways of alleviating stressors in these times.
The beginning of a New Year can be wrought with notions of self-improvement and reinventing oneself. Take the time to step away from these ideas and follow your own grieving process without the pressures that can often come with the New Year. Be patient and gentle to yourself, remembering that a slow and steady pace is key.
February 7th, 2023
There are peaks and troughs; highs and lows; moments of sadness and of happiness during grief, all of which cannot be demarcated into one particular year. Give yourself permission to carry grief over into the New Year, rather than force yourself to stifle and shoehorn your emotions. Trying to curtail your emotions is a surefire way of having them bounce straight back, and often in a very volatile or unpredictable way.
Of course, setting goals and aspirations for the New Year is something that can be productive and enlightening, yet it is imperative to steer away from ‘removing grief’ as one of them. Be kind to yourself with other goals and aspirations; remind yourself that the process of reaching a goal doesn’t need to be a sort of punishment. Take extra care to reframe the notion of ‘resolutions,’ as they aren’t about completely redefining yourself in the New Year, especially when you might be feeling extra vulnerable. Instead, it’s about thinking of new, kind, and productive activities that foster growth. Focus on being compassionate to yourself. Do you want to try out a new hobby? Or maybe there’s a place you’ve always wanted to travel to? Resolutions can be far-stretching, so take your pick. Consider doing something that can become part of your regular routine to fill your time and provide a release for stress and other emotions that may occur during the grieving process.
It is also important to remember that a New Year does not mean that you are leaving your loved one in the previous year. It can be a good idea to integrate ways of actively remembering your loved one to remind yourself that they are still with you within your resolutions. You could spend some time each day, perhaps at the beginning or the end, reflecting on some memories with them and possibly writing them down in a journal. At times where this may feel overwhelming, you could watch a TV show or movie that they enjoyed, or cook a meal that they liked. These small reflective exercises are great ways in which you can continue to remember and love your loved one in the New Year, in a relaxed and gentle way.
Finally, take some time to look at the year ahead. There may be specific days or holidays that will be particularly difficult for you, and this is completely okay. You could mark these out and, perhaps, think in advance about ways to navigate these days. Consider if there is a family member or friend you could meet with on the day, or near to the day. Planning positive activities around these days is a good idea, but also be sure to recognize that you may need to give yourself time to grieve. Don’t feel the need to cram these days as a means of distraction, but rather find purposeful and gentle ways of alleviating stressors in these times.
The beginning of a New Year can be wrought with notions of self-improvement and reinventing oneself. Take the time to step away from these ideas and follow your own grieving process without the pressures that can often come with the New Year. Be patient and gentle to yourself, remembering that a slow and steady pace is key.
February 7th, 2023